Friday, February 24, 2012


I needed to take a few days to compose myself before writing this. It's sad to say, but I have half-written this in my head months before my best girl passed away. She was sick for a long time, but we kept fighting. We kept paying trained professionals to run tests and diagnose her ailments. It seemed as though it was something different each time she would go in for a check-up. But we kept fighting. The last half of her life with me was a bumpy road, to say the least. She would shake and shit at the drop of a hat. And she hated the Buffalo winters. Some cold days she would almost refuse to leave her home. But we fought. We were a good team, she and I. But at one point she had had enough. We said our goodbyes and then she was gone. Forever. It's going to be hard to go on without her, but I will push on. It's what she'd want me to do.

Farewell, Blue Lady. I will miss you.

When I first met you, you reminded me of my very first teenage love. You were so similar, sometimes I thought I was still inside her when I was inside you. I know you knew. I know you knew I was thinking about that other girl. But you didn't seem to mind. You would drive me around my old stomping grounds and play Nirvana and all the rest of the great grunge music I love just like she used to do. We would drive around and I would reminisce about the old days. I will miss those rides we used to take. Remember how everyone thought you were the police? It was usually at night when they couldn't see you very well, but people would always slow down because they just weren't quite sure. Then we'd go flying past and I bet they felt like idiots! Good times. But then you started to get old and you started to get sick. The first time I noticed was when you refused to drive the speed limit on the highway. You never had any problems with it before, then suddenly you would shake and grunt and sputter. Then you refused to warm to my touch. I would talk to you and push your your buttons just the way I always did, but nothing would work. I would hydrate you and feed you, but still nothing. I got used to providing enough heat for both of us.

The trips to get tests done and have procedures completed just got to be too much. For both of us. I think you had given up way before I did, but I just didn't hear you. I just didn't want to let you go. But now you're in a better place. The last ride we took together was a bitter sweet one. I was glad it was a mild winter day and it wasn't too cold for you. And you knew where we were going. But you didn't say a word and you didn't complain. You just drove silently. I was probably more nervous than you were! But in the end everything worked out, didn't it? We said our goodbyes and off you went. I swore I wouldn't cry. And I won't. I swear i won't!

You'll be happy for me. I found someone new. I know you always wanted to be with someone younger than you. I didn't want to hear it when we were still together, but I can see where you were coming from now! She's so smooth and quiet. She's doesn't know all my eccentricities like you did, but she'll learn. We'll be good together. I hope you don't mind that I call her my new Blue Lady. If you're watching over me as I hope you are, take a look at a picture I took of my new girl:

Farewell, Blue Lady. I will miss you.

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