Discovery

What discovery did you make in 2011? What kind of impact did it have on how you view the world today?

I found a lot about myself this year. I realized that I am addicted to technology, specifically my smart phone and Social Networking. Using these things is not something new to 2011, but the addiction to them is, I think. Most times my phone is just an extension of my arm. It's not really me if I don't have my phone in my hand. This gets in the way of some (or all) of my relationships, especially with friend or family who are not into SN as I am. It is a point of contention with many and it causes a lot of problems.

But the first part is knowing you have a problem, and I know I have a problem. Let's move on.

The one discovery I made this year is that I actually enjoy blogging. Before this year I thought most bloggers were either shut-ins who wrote about their cats, people who were trying to sell something, or people who were trying to seem more important than they were in real life. Or all of the above. But over the course of this year I realized that on the most part, none of that is true about bloggers. At least not the ones I have come across in my time as a blogger.

I was afraid that people would think, "Why are you writing about this? NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR CAR." Honestly at first I didn't know whether I wanted to blog or just keep a journal. But I knew I wanted some record of my year. I wanted something permanent. And I knew I'd need some constructive criticism, moral support and pats on the back along the way. With just writing in a journal, I wouldn't get any of that. With a blog I got to see what people thought, I got to get into fights and I got to meet new people. Besides, writing in a journal was what I did in high school and undergrad. I needed a more grown-up outlet for my thoughts, my feelings, and my angst.

"A [discovery] can sometimes change our view on the world and our place in it. Discovery can bring on positive change, but sometimes discovery is hard. Sometimes it causes conflict. But after a discovery, something about you just isn't quite the same." link

VERY true.

Blogging is a double-edged sword. I open up a lot more on my blog than I do to the people in my life. But because my blog is fairly public and because anyone can read my blog, some of my friends and family get upset that I don't open up as much to them as I do to the internet. I've always been able to be more honest in the written word than in real-life. Even before I had a presence on the internet. Unless I'm pushed, I'm not good at emotional conversations. Not in a face-to-face interaction. I never have. I have a hard enough time telling my close family that I love them. But you want to talk about my deep, internal stuff? Let me just write it down or text you or something. It's similar to looking people in the eyes. I'm am really bad at that. It's too personal. It's too honest. And I'm afraid, I guess. I don't like looking people straight in the eyes because it means they're looking straight into my eyes. It freaks me out.

I am better at being behind the scenes. I'm not trying to compare myself to the Great and Powerful Oz or anything, but I'd much rather be the guy who turns the lights on and off or writes the script or opens and closes the curtain than the guy who performs on stage IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. So I blog. I write about my life and I write about what I'm feeling. I write about a problem I'm having and I write about a conversation I over heard. I write because I have to and I write because I need to.

I was thinking the other evening about what I might want to do with this blog once 2011 is over. Part of this discovery was just to stay in the practice of writing. Do I want to keep this blog as a personal blog? Do I want to change it? I think I may want to go in a new direction next year, but I may need to build another blog for that. I am always going to need an outlet for my personal, internal stuff. But I also have a lot of other stuff I want to get out. I want to get back to my roots of writing short stories and character sketches and scripts. I want to be creative again. I want to do more.