New Car Anxiety

I'm going to look at new (to me) used cars. The Blue Lady (my 2001 Mercury Sable) didn't pass her inspection last month and she's not worth the $600+ it will cost to repair her.

It's time to put her down.

I'm excited to have a car of my own again and I'm sure my wife would love having her car back again. But I'm nervous. If you've read any of my blog posts in the past year you know that I am not in the best financial situation. A new car (even a used one) means another monthly bill. Sure, I'll use a bit of my tax refund as a down payment and I'll trade in The Blue Lady to cut down on what the new car will cost, but I'm still going to have to pay every month for it.

The other thing is I haven't talked to my boss in over a month. Strike that. My boss hasn't spoken to me in over a month. I've sent her emails but she doesn't respond or answer my questions. She sends emails to my coworkers and I, but she never responds to MY emails. This stresses me out. Is she purposely avoiding my questions? Is she going to let me go? Are my hours going to be cut even more? Is this all in my head? Am I just being pessimistic?

If I lose my job I am SCREWED. Especially if I accrue another bill.

Oh my God I hate being a grown up.

So suffice it to say I'm a bit stressed. I have some anxiety going on over here.

Some good news would be VERY welcome right about now.

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This Weather and These Women

When the temperatures start getting into the fifties, my body starts looking forward to patio weather. That way, by the time the weather gets into the mid-60s, I am all ready to enjoy beers outdoors.

I realize that it is not even in the 50s yet, but it was sunny today, so my car is warm. The warmth in my car messed with my internal drinking clock.

As I drove through Niagara Falls to go from work to school, I had to make a conscious effort to NOT drive past my bar. I had to go out of the way so that my car didn't instinctively take me for beers. And even though my car is patio-less, just the sight of it might have put me in the mood for a cold one.

"Chaz, I think you might have a problem."

After the work day I had, I had to try even harder today to go directly to school without making a beverage stop. I have a serious problem when there is a breakdown of communication. It is very frustrating when everyone doesn't just talk to each other. I am usually pretty good getting people to open up and tell me what's what, but today it was hard work. It doesn't help that I'm the New Kid at work.

I wish everyone could just speak their mind (in a civil tone). Things would be so much easier that way.

Needless to say, work was a bit stressful. And I could have used a beer.

And I do not have a problem working with women. I'll be honest: I am not used to working with all women, but I don't hate it. It is definitely different than working with all men (like at my last job), but it's not impossible. To be honest, I think I prefer to work with women, but I'm not sure if they feel the same way. Sometimes it's hard to read women.

But I'm a professional. I'm a grown up. I think I can do it.

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Bad Mood

Let's be honest. Some times you set goals for yourself that you fail miserably at reaching.
At the start of this year I started setting daily goals. Benchmark goals. Today's goal was to not let the things my students or coworkers do or say bother me.

I was doing well until about thirty minutes before my work day ended.

I'm not going to get into the details of who said what or who let this conversation snowball or anything like that, but needless to say my mood went from great to good to PISS POOR right quick.

So what do you do when you're put into a bad mood?

I wanted to go straight to the bar and throw back a couple few cold ones.
I wanted to speed.
I wanted to listen to loud, aggressive music.
I wanted to break things.
I wanted to drive the EXACT speed limit in the left lane and not move for anyone.
I wanted to scream and yell and curse.
I wanted to quit and run away somewhere warm.

But I didn't do any of those things. Well, except for the aggressive music.

The old me would have done all of the above, plus a possible unprofessional outburst or three.

I am still seething a bit inside, but writing & breathing & sitting still is helping.

Venting goes a LONG way.

And taking this tie off will help too.

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