New Car Anxiety

I'm going to look at new (to me) used cars. The Blue Lady (my 2001 Mercury Sable) didn't pass her inspection last month and she's not worth the $600+ it will cost to repair her.

It's time to put her down.

I'm excited to have a car of my own again and I'm sure my wife would love having her car back again. But I'm nervous. If you've read any of my blog posts in the past year you know that I am not in the best financial situation. A new car (even a used one) means another monthly bill. Sure, I'll use a bit of my tax refund as a down payment and I'll trade in The Blue Lady to cut down on what the new car will cost, but I'm still going to have to pay every month for it.

The other thing is I haven't talked to my boss in over a month. Strike that. My boss hasn't spoken to me in over a month. I've sent her emails but she doesn't respond or answer my questions. She sends emails to my coworkers and I, but she never responds to MY emails. This stresses me out. Is she purposely avoiding my questions? Is she going to let me go? Are my hours going to be cut even more? Is this all in my head? Am I just being pessimistic?

If I lose my job I am SCREWED. Especially if I accrue another bill.

Oh my God I hate being a grown up.

So suffice it to say I'm a bit stressed. I have some anxiety going on over here.

Some good news would be VERY welcome right about now.

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I Start on Monday.

My apologies to all of my hundreds of thousands of readers who have been waiting for a chazblog post since Wednesday, but the past couple days has been pretty insane. And by insane I mean busy.

Let's start out by saying that I have not been called in to work ALL WEEK. It is frustrating to say the least. Unlike some people, I actually have to work for a living. I need to work. Not so I can buy the latest issue of Tiger Beat or a new weekend fedora but to pay bills. Being unemployed and relying on Unemployment Insurance and a we'll-call-you-when-we-feel-like-it job just is not cutting it. What happened to the people I interviewed with three weeks ago?? They said they would be back in contact with me the following week. THE FOLLOWING WEEK WAS TWO WEEKS AGO. I am worthless. I am not as great as I think. I need to stop thinking so glass-is-half-full all the time and start lowering my standards. I applied at Tops Friendly Markets and Wegmans and-- ugh!-- Starbucks. Even though I have a Master's Degree.

But then I came home Wednesday evening and there was a message on the machine:

"Hi Charles, this is so-and-so from NCCC. We have a job that starts next week that we'd like to offer you. If you're interested, please call me back at--"

Wait, did I hear that right? A what? A jobby-job? For me? Starting next week?
YES
YES
YES
!!!!!!

I called her right back even though it was after six-thirty in the evening. I left her a message that, yes, I was very much interested and if needed I would produce her a male heir and that she could call me back any time to go over the details.
The crazy thing is that she called me back five minutes later. We agreed to meet at the school on Friday.

So Thursday I decided to get my car inspected. The Blue Lady (my car) has always given me problems. She is temperamental and moody and I was just so nervous about getting her inspected. I knew she probably needed new breaks. And last night when I used my wipers (while parked) the driver's side wiper had flown off. And there was a rubbing sound when I turn right sometimes if I had my foot on the gas... in other words there were all kinds of problems. I took her in, gave the keys to the counter service boy, and sat and read a book, trying not to think about my car. Every time I am in a mechanic's waiting room all I can think of is the infamous quote from one of my college roommates:

If it's my ass or my car, just knock me out, fix it, and don't tell me what you did.

The kid came back a half hour later and informed me I just needed new wipers. What?? That's it??
SWEET.

I hurried out of there as soon as possible just in case they realized they forgot to check something.

I rested up Thursday night so I was ready for my Friday morning meeting with MY NEW BOSS.

I was so paranoid on my way to the meeting. Was that a rattling I heard? Did the mechanic forget to tighten something down after my inspection? Were my breaks slipping a bit? Maybe I really did need new breaks. What if they just GAVE OUT on my way to my meeting. I knew for a fact I didn't pass any tractor trailer run-offs between my apartment and the school. What was my best option (and safest. For me) if my breaks just stopped working? I decided to stay an even safer distance from the car in front of me. But WHY IS THIS GUY DRIVING SO SLOW? THE SPEED LIMIT IS SIXTY-FIVE FOR CHRISSAKES GET INTO THE RIGHT LANE IF YOU'RE GOING TO GO SO SLOW.

Needless to say, I got to my appointment in one piece. I was actually early (no surprise if you know me).
The class I will be teaching runs through March, at which point there should be at least one other class for me to start teaching. I will be teaching adult learners, which is the same type of students that I had at my last job. The job that I loved. The job that was ripped out of my hands at the beginning of last summer.
Enough about that job. I HAVE A NEW JOB!


I start on Monday.

Entry Seventeen

I often sleep horribly because I have so much on my mind.

Or because I eat too late. Or too early.
The last week or so has been pretty crazy with the Too Much On My Mind crap. First there's the nostalgia (see Entry Sixteen), then there's the news that Keith Olbermann left MSNBC, then there's the news that Aaron Sorkin is working on another television show for a channel I don't have. I get stressed out and hyped up about the stupidest things.  Why?  Why can't I just calm the hell down and relax?  Is it anxiety?  Probably.  It runs in my family pretty rampantly.  But I don't get anxious about enclosed spaces or being in a room full of strangers or silverfish.  I get anxious about TV. And memories.  And food.

I went to bed at 2am and woke up around 630am.  My plan is to eat, do a bit of reading, and then extend my birthday weekend even longer by going to the pub for drinks, a late lunch, and drinks.  By ten o'clock tonight I should be fatigued enough to fall asleep.  And then I can end this sleeplessness cycle.

For the moment.

Entry Two (part 1)

I'm early. That's no surprise if you know me. I got in my car at 1:45pm for a four o'clock appointment at NCCC. The weather in Buffalo is snowy and cold, so I wanted to warm my car up & wait for the snow to melt off it.

If you've ever seen my snow brush, you'd understand.

I was nervous on my way here. Not because of the interview, but for everything leading up to it.

What if the roads were bad? What if my car breaks down and I have to walk 45 miles? What if a semi jack-knifes and I'm put behind schedule?

The roads turned out to be fine, so I set the cruise control for five miles over the speed limit (getting pulled over would NOT have helped!) and set off for the college.

About five miles from my appointment I got stuck behind a pick-up carrying lumber. I gave him some room because all I could imagine was one of the 2X4s flying through my windshield.
That would have set me behind schedule, I think.

I'm not really nervous about the interview or the ten minute lesson I have to present, but if they don't have a dry-erase board in the room we're in, I'm going to have to improvise!

More soon.

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