Sunday, May 8, 2011

A Plan?

I grew up in a very church-centered and Bible-oriented home. My mom was (& still is) very religious, I know anything and everything about what the Bible says about God, Jesus, the apostles, Moses, Jonah, and so on.

I grew up going to church at least three days a week.

That being said, while I was unemployed, I was told many times that God has a plan for me. I've heard this my entire life, but while I was depressed and frustrated and full of anxiety, I heard it a lot more.

There is an entire discussion here about free-will versus God's plan, but we can talk about that in another post.
My worry is this: what if I accidentally ignored God's plan for me? What if His plan didn't include me becoming a teacher? What if I was supposed This move to Baltimore when I was offered a job there five years ago? What if everything that has happened since then was not part of God's plan?

These are the thoughts that keep me up at night. I worry about this stuff. And the worst part is that I'm not really very religious. I don't go to church. I don't read the Bible. So why does this stress me out? It's too late for God's plan. I've missed my window of opportunity. Right?

So what is someone in my position supposed to do?

Just say "screw it" and drink more and eat food that's bad for me? Or maybe I should go back to church and see if God has another plan for me? Or maybe I should move to Baltimore?

Part of me would be happy if all this misery and depression and unhappiness is for a reason.
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