Friday, March 25, 2011

Thoughts on 'Thumbtack'

This song is stuck in my head today.

Every time I hear it, I get filled with a strange feeling of nostalgia and the need to escape.
And with my current mood of anxiousness and frustration and unhappiness, this song is doing strange things to me.  I used to put myself into the role of the singer or "narrator" of the song, but lately I just think about the back story of the song:  Moving to a new city. Putting the map up on the wall and just seeing all the new places there are to explore and visit.

Here's the town we live in
This is how the land lays out
I bought a map
So I could find my way around / way around

Taped the map on the wall

Studied every avenue
I Found my way around
Tried to feel at home for once

We worked out a system

When one of us would leave
A thumbtack stuck showing
where we were going

Like I said, I used to imagine my significant other leaving me soon after moving to a new city.

All the time you wore a hole
The same place tacked over and over
And I never go there, I never go there

But through that hole, you see

My faith in you boring deeper and deeper
Finally through the wall

Map began to rip apart

I watched it fall to the floor
I didn't bother moving my thumbtack any more

But not lately. As of late I am just thinking of the idea of NEW.
I need somewhere new. I get like this. I get antsy and anxious and I need to just leave. I need to just drive and drive. I need to run away. But I usually talk myself out of it or get busy with other things and I stay put. But this time I mean it. This time I need to leave. For good. This town has damaged me. This town has depressed me. This town is killing me.

Maybe the south will do me good. But there's huge storms that would take my home away. And there are earthquakes in the west and tornadoes in the mid-west. The more and more I think about it, the more I believe the north-west would be best. When I was a teenager I wanted to live in Seattle. I could deal with rain better than I deal with snow. And Portland seems like a cool place to put roots down. I don't know. I'm just afraid I'll get stuck in the same rut I'm in now. Maybe I'll never be happy. Maybe I'm destined to be waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Here I am talking myself out of it again. I'll never know if I don't just GO.

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